This is the last piece of this series. (Missed earlier parts of this series? You can find Part I here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here.) I should point out that I’m not writing in real time. These events happened several weeks ago. I haven’t seen a partner write about their loved one’s inpatient treatment though, so I wanted to cover it here in some detail. That’s particularly true since Handsome’s didn’t go as quite as planned.
Handsome’s struggle with integrity didn’t end with lying about his missed SA meeting and his drinking. A few days after our brutal CSAT session, Handsome asked me out to lunch. It was an olive branch, so I took it. This was weeks before the virus was keeping people home, but the restaurant was mostly empty. We actually had a lovely time together. During the meal, Handsome raised the issue of his communication with the older woman he met in rehab. (I’m not a complete idiot… I had already googled her and confirmed her age, long term partnership, and other pertinent facts.) He assured me that he understood how awful it was that he broke the boundary and that he was willing to cease communication if it was what I wanted or needed from him. He relayed that he thought she was smart, insightful, and that he felt she would be helpful to him in implementing what he learned at ST at home. It was the discussion he should have initiated with me before he broke the boundary.
My boundaries have always been focused on keeping me sane, safe, and secure. I know that they have seemed punitive to Handsome, but that was never their point. This woman isn’t a threat to me or my marriage. I told Handsome that as long as he didn’t communicate with her in secret and as long as he didn’t communicate with her instead of with me, I could live with him staying in touch with this one particular well-vetted woman. I explained clearly that although it was still triggering, I’d deal with that trigger if it would be helpful to him. He thanked me and said he was absolutely clear on the limitations of what I had agreed to.
A few days pass. Things were actually quite good when I’d see Handsome. He was still living at the AirBnB and miserable about it, but he was great when he was at our house. And then, quite out of the blue, he asked me a question about when our kids were going to be in summer camp. Not a broad “July or August?” kind of question (which would be typical for Handsome) but a very pointed, date-specific question. Handsome doesn’t care about those kinds of details and he especially doesn’t care about them 3-4 months ahead of time. The last time Handsome asked a similar question was during his acting out. I had been clueless and answered him. I found out later that he had promptly reached out to his brigade of whores and gleefully announced that he’d be alone for 6 weeks in the summer and started plotting. Immediately, there were sirens going off in my head. I dodged the question and changed the subject completely. It was triggering. He took one more shot at it and I again avoided answering with any specificity.
When he went to take a shower that night I checked his phone. As I feared, he had been texting with a young girl (she’s about 20) he met at ST who lives in a town that’s about 15 minutes from our summer home. I confronted him. He initially denied it. Then he admitted it. That’s when it got really fun because he tried to gaslight me “I thought you said at lunch that my ST friends were okay to stay in touch with.” But you see, I’m smarter now. I know exactly what I had agreed to. He quickly saw that the manipulation of reality that worked so well for him during his addiction is a complete non-starter now.
I specifically did not agree to this girl because, frankly, she scares me. She has serious daddy issues. She is one of the women I felt Handsome had a weird dynamic with at ST. He told me on a call that she was “like a daughter” to him. The last time I heard that about a young girl, she ended up in my house in bed with Handsome while I was out of town. He has access to this girl (via our summer home). And, to boot, unlike his other APs this one is drop dead gorgeous. She is waaaaay out of Handsome’s league… like laughably out of his league… but sex addicts don’t seem to notice such things. Nothing is improbable to them. (Hence the success of the “girlfriend experience” part of the sex trade).
And therein lies the less obvious thing that Handsome brought home from ST. His treatment – sitting in a process group of mostly women for 150 minutes a day for 5 weeks – apparently reactivated aspects of his sex addiction. All of the support, the empathy, the bolstering of morale, and yes, the 8 second hugs (not kidding) had to be like a tsunami of hits to his addict brain. After 26 months of sexual sobriety, Handsome was again communicating with a woman in secret, and when confronted about it he lied, deflected, minimized, and tried to gaslight me. In my book, that’s a relapse.
So what was this communication? Nothing sexual. He complained to her about how he knew he had made strides at ST but that no one at home could readily see it. No one appreciated what he had done and how hard he had worked. And what gem of advice did this very sage almost-still-a-teenager have to offer. “Oh, forget about them! No matter what your family says you know how awesome you are and how much progress you’ve made. Keep being you! Don’t let them bring you down!!”
That’s just genius, right? “Eff your family. Who are they to get upset by your lies? Zheesh!”
I had three fairly simultaneous responses to this. First, I seriously considered restoring his phone to the factory settings and thus deleting all of his contacts, photos, apps, etc. (He doesn’t back up with any regularity). Then I realized that would be my trauma response… to hurt him back. Plus, he certainly knows how to buy and use a burner phone. I won’t police him.
Then I scheduled an emergency session with our CSAT. She is clearly fed up with Handsome but desperately trying to stay marriage-positive and neutral. Or as neutral as she can be when he’s engaging in mayhem.
Last, I waited several hours and then I called Handsome at work. And I vented in a way that I likely haven’t done since the very early part of 2018. I let him have ALL of my sadness, angst, anger, fear, distrust, disgust, and every other emotion I was feeling. I held nothing back and I certainly didn’t coddle him. There was nothing left to coddle, in my book. I’m not going to bend over backwards to keep him from doing something stupid when he’s already doing stupid stuff. He’s used to me being angry or sad but I’m usually reserved and dignified. This was far from that. I think the rawness of it terrified him. I dumped it ALL on him.
In closing that discussion I reminded Handsome how much love for him the kids and I had. I used the past tense on purpose. It wasn’t lost on him. I pointed out that he was sabotaging the very thing he claimed to want most in the world and that it was, indeed, all his fault. ALL. HIS. FAULT. Yes, he had a terrible childhood. It doesn’t mean he gets a free pass to torture his family now. Yes, he has cadre of previously undiagnosed mental health issues, but he’s also had 2+ years of treatment by a virtual team of therapists and multiple intensives. At this stage in the game, it’s all on him. ALL. OF. IT. He was sobbing by the time I was through.
And me? I knew that the re-entry from 5 weeks at inpatient would be hard. It’s a sad reality that once those intensive supports are removed, many people struggle and some completely fail. I KNEW that. I anticipated it. And yet it was still brutal to see my own husband fall on his face the way he did. I had hoped he’d be different, or even that we’d finally catch a break. Nope.
The measure of a person isn’t really how hard they fall though, it’s how they pick themselves back up. Handsome fell hard. Really hard. Watching him pick himself back up – step by step – actually gives me hope.
This is so hard to read…I know that actually living it is excruciating. I continue to keep you and Handsome in my prayers. **hugs**
Thanks Leigh. Excruciating is a great word for it. It felt like my heart was literally being wrung out like a wash cloth at times. It’s hard to watch someone you love struggle, and it’s incredibly hard when their struggle damages you or causes you pain.
xo
Wow! Who would have thought it would be such a struggle. I feel so frustrated for you and what you’ve had to endure. I remember that BE’s therapists differed in opinions on whether re-hab was appropriate for him. The therapist BE first confided in was not an SA therapist, but a counselor specializing in work-stress related issues, and provided by the bar association. He wanted BE to go immediately to The Meadows. He was a recovered alcoholic and had been to rehab himself. The second therapist (the Quack) actually counseled BE not to go to a program because he felt there was too much intermixing of sexes and a newly diagnosed SA isn’t ready for that. Omar likewise cautioned BE away from rehab as he didn’t think there was a program set up properly for sex addiction. None of BE’s 12 step brothers had been to rehab for SA, most weren’t even seeing a therapist at that point. BE was afraid to go for multiple reasons, I would imagine… our business surviving was definitely one of them. I, on the other hand, for the first 3 years or so thought it would be a good idea, probably because at that point I wanted to expedite recovery and I needed a break. BE seriously contemplated it for a while, but did a lot of research and couldn’t find one that separated men and women. He knew it would be a huge distraction. I think even now, 6+ years in, I think having women in the sessions would be a huge distraction. The thing that works so well for him in 12 step is at this point, it is all men and they provide a level of understanding and comfort without any sexual component. I can see clearly how much he still needs this as he has solely taken on the meeting coordination for the daily meetings, but also fellowship, and his sangha meditations. Our business was already all about zoom meetings, so it’s not a struggle for him and he thrives on the connections during this time. What I can say, rehab or no rehab, we were still struggling with the same issues back in year three as you, just not associated with rehab. Consistency and time are really all I can attribute to any peace of mind I have at this point. We, as a couple, didn’t get some of what others would consider crucial, like full therapeutic disclosures and polygraphs etc… All I can say, is that BE’s desire to be and do better and his consistency with 12 step and therapy are what keeps us both moderately sane to this day. I hope Handsome starts believing in himself and realizing he doesn’t need the support of other women for self worth. BE still works at recovery every day. There is no end, just better habits and belief. Big hugs. I hope you are all physically healthy. xoxo
Correction. I just had a conversation with BE, and because we haven’t talked about rehab for years, I wasn’t aware that he knows two people who went to Sierra Tucson, one for SA, and one is the wife of his good SA buddy… she went for alcoholism. A new member of his 12 step group went to the facility that Russell Brand was at… in PA? Very SA specific. Interesting. Also, did Handsome have an individual counselor at ST that was familiar with SA? To help him put things into perspective? I will always be dumbfounded by how such intelligent men can be so psychologically immature. ❤️
Hi Kat! We are safe and healthy so far, and working hard to keep it that way. Handsome finally got one mask (one!) to use at work for the foreseeable future, so that’s something.
I appreciate both of your comments and will reply to both here. It’s key to remember here that Handsome went to ST for treatment of his mood disorder and FOO trauma, not for the sex addiction (because that actually seemed to be under control). So, while ST is a full fledged rehab facility, he really wasn’t there to rehab per se. He was there for the intensive counseling and medication management that he could get in an inpatient setting. Where I think we (Handsome, me, and the various therapists involved) went wrong is that we all assumed that while he wasn’t there for SA that someone at ST would have the sense to look at his referral and admissions paperwork and say “hey, he’s not here for his sex addiction but we should be mindful that it’s a fairly recent issue for him.” No one seems to have done that.
He is certainly not the first SA to cross the threshold at ST, and they do have at least one CSAT on staff (Handsome saw her once a week), but his daily individual therapist specialized in childhood trauma and related mood disorders. The SA was just not on her radar.
Knowing what I know now, would we have sent him to the Meadows or Keystone (where Russell Brand went) or the Refuge or somewhere else? I don’t know for sure, but I think not. He didn’t need SA 101. I believe in many ways we picked the right place for Handsome, but I think his intake was muddled and that his therapist here (Doc2) should have been more… protective? assertive? involved?… in assuring that ST would take steps to avoid re-activating his addiction (like not insisting on 8 second hugs between group members of the opposite sex or encouraging him to sign up for massages). If ST couldn’t meet his needs in that regard- like if they had no all male groups – then we could have either planned ahead for that or looked at an entirely different facility.
I can see some really positive changes to come about from Handsome’s treatment. His anger seems to be under control in a way I’ve never seen before. He seems now to be more at peace with himself and there is an overall calm about him (might be the meds) that is new. He told our nephew about his SA issues which is something he never would have done before. ST did some great things for him. There was just a lot of muck to brush off when he arrived home, and he struggled mightily in the absence of the daily praise and reaffirmation that he was getting at ST. Whether the overall experience, including the reentry issues, was worth it seems like something that will become more clear over the next few months.
xo
It is really difficult to separate the trauma from the symptoms I guess. Perhaps a holistic approach is too much to ask? BE hasn’t struggled with acting out sexually for years, but it still was his drug of choice for a reason. Many of his SA buddies have substance co-addictions like alcohol, drugs, food, etc… so basically just reach for the nearest soothing mechanism. In my opinion it will always be about getting to the bottom of the why, not the what, but there are so many distractions to use to deflect. From what I’ve heard, SA rehab isn’t about SA 101, but is about treating the underlying conditions in a safe environment. Of course each individual must be accountable, but rehab itself is a pretty big indication of lack of control over those underlying conditions. Pretty sure BE could go now to, say, one of those Pia Melody co-dependency workshops at The Meadows he was so enamored with back in 2013/14 and be fine with being surrounded by women, but I don’t think it would be his preference. Being surrounded by people who he believes really “get” him is crucial as he continues on this journey, and understanding sex addiction is a big part of that. So glad you can see the positive changes as he has transitioned back to home AND so glad he has a MASK!!! That is simply critical to survival at this point. ❤️
Keystone is the Pennsylvania facility. It sounds like one of the roughest, least coddling programs out there and is all men except for the treatment staff. One of my best friends in the world went there. His roommate was a player who left the NBA for “injuries” that were actually connected to his many near-arrests for voyeurism. It was the first one I looked into, but at the time (2015) they didn’t take my insurance. Not sure at this point.
I’m sorry that you had one of the more severe crash landings after rehab. Handsome’s trip sounds very much like mine. I had that 20-year-old puppy dog following me around, too, and while I like any attention, I’ve always had a blind spot about women sidling up to me. Also, I need the certificate of completion for the judge and nothing was going to disrupt that goal. Had I not had that goal, I can’t say 100% for sure I would have made all the correct choices as I was only about a year into recovery when I first went. Three friends…two women and a male, pulled me aside once and pointed out she was clearly smitten with me. We all went to my case worker and arranged things so that she and I would be apart as much as possible. Those women were actually looking out for me.
I may be alone in this, and I know everyone has their interpretations, and maybe I can’t tap into the mind of someone who pursued their sex addiction on a physical relationship level, but I think it’s far less about creating self worth and more about second chances and a re-do. I love my kids and my wife and our life, but are there things I’d change? Yes. I would have moved us to a warmer climate in the beginning. I would have made making money a bigger priority. I would have made early education with my kids a much bigger priority, etc. Whenever I have contemplated a new life with someone else, it’s not about my self worth, it’s about a second chance to make better decisions and have a happier life. It’s a fantasy and 100% selfish…but if I’m going to have it, it might as well be with a younger woman, right? The rehab set-up allows for that fantasy to seem slightly possible, and since you’re talking about your issues most of the day, sex addiction is front of mind. Where else is he going to have extended time to talk to a 20-year-old? Rehab is not reality and then you throw things like that on top of it. It’s too bad Handsome didn’t have the friends to wake him up like I did.
I know that I urged you to push him toward rehab, and I’m sorry for that, but I still think in the long run, this is going to be good for him. He crossed some lines, but it could be for the last time. He may have needed to take a whole bunch of crap from you and created these situation subconsciously. I think about some of the thoughts I had and ways I acted after rehab and while they were tough on everyone in the short term, I think that they helped to really cement what I needed, wanted and was going to work for moving forward…and I have.
But, I hope your story, which was so well told and if someone reading this didn’t read all sections, they really should, doesn’t sour people to rehab over all. There are a lot of flaws with the system and it’s structured differently everywhere. You’re never going to find something that makes you and your partner 100% happy. I needed the co-ed experience because I needed to work on seeing women as something that as sex objects, or as simply another person to be used by me. That was the first time I practiced actually becoming friends with a woman, and I know in the long run, it’s made me much better friends with my wife. I know you’ll continue to update us on Handsome’s condition and I hope that he takes the important lessons that rehab taught him, along with developing the critical thinking skills to apply them correctly.
You’ve always been a strong lady I’ve admired.
Please do not feel bad about anything! While I hate what happened in the wake of his return home, I can see that he also got a lot out of the experience. (Writing about that is the next piece.) His anger is under control in a way I haven’t seen before. His relationship with our son has improved 100% as a direct result of that change. Life in quarantine would have been awful with pre-rehab Handsome. He would have crumbled under the stress and the rest of us would have gotten mired in the muck with him. It’s not like that now. I have more recently seen patience, understanding, kindness, and unselfishness. It just took a few weeks to get rid of some of the negative stuff he did bring home. He has been home for two months. The first month was pretty crappy. (Ok, that’s putting lipstick on it. It sucked arse.) The last 4 weeks though? I’m seeing the much-improved Handsome he claimed to be when he got home. I think Doc2 had a lot to do with that, as did our CSAT. I also think Handsome finally saw the calamity he was creating and decided that maybe, just maybe, he needed to focus more on our relationship and less on himself. I couldn’t tell him that, and he initially pushed back on any notion that he was being selfish, but he seems to have figured it out for himself.
Handsome’s sponsor was at Keystone for 70 days right after discovery. He speaks really highly of the experience. We opted against it for a somewhat odd reason. Most of the staff are independent contractors and not employees of the facility. I understand that’s not necessarily unusual but it creates the kinds of issues that both make insurance billing tough (I think they require self-pay but they give you a super-bill so you can seek reimbursement at the end) and it can cause provider turn over or changes mid-treatment. Handsome couldn’t deal with possible changes in counselors, so we passed on the facility.
Again, I wouldn’t write ST off or steer anyone away from there. I would, however, suggest that if SA is an issue at all that there be a lot more involvement from outside counselors in setting up the treatment plan and addressing boundaries before the patient gets there.
Hi BA,
It’s good to hear that your husband’s anger is more under control and there’s more calm and peace (more grounded?). I hope the meds are helping too. All of that is a really hopeful sign.
One word in your blog popped out to me b/c it’s been a word that came up here in our house yesterday. Coddle. I told my husband I was tired of how much he’d been coddled by the numerous therapists, doctors, in-patient med-psych people, and basically every therapist he has seen. I’m the only one who confronts him. He admitted it. he said maybe they didn’t want to confront them b/c they like having his business – the money? I don’t know… but if that’s the case, I am pretty disgusted by the therapeutic community at this point. IMHO, my husband is so manipulative that he got them to feel sorry for him and they coddled him. Now my husband is w/o a trained therapist b/c the therapist he was working with will no longer use video format. I have a boundary that he at least needs to be “seen” in therapy b/c he was actually surfing the web while on therapy phone calls before. I hope he can find someone else, but with this COVID19 issue, who knows?
Hang in there. Sending out good health to everyone who may see this.
I think my husband likely needed a bit of coddling right at the very beginning when he was in that super-fragile, just exposed, state. After that, however, the coddling seriously messed with his already distorted perception of reality. I think back to when he spent about 6 weeks in therapy – really early on – and could only conclude that he needed a hobby. Why did the therapist not completely call him out? “Sir, you aren’t here because you need to take up golfing, you’re here because you’ve engaged in a years long pattern of lying to your spouse. Let’s focus on that.” How hard is that?
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m at wits end with the doxy/ zoom sessions as the connections are often distractingly terrible. I really don’t want to hear that FaceTime isn’t HIPPA compliant. It’s encrypted on both ends and is more secure than a phone call. I understand that we all have to “make do” right now, but I agree with you that it’s essential to be seen, and ideally with as few interruptions as possible.
Take care and stay safe!
xo
Sure, they need to feel safe and supported when their world blows apart. Heck, my husband was suicidal and fragile. I get that. And they let him out and he almost succeeded in ending his life.
I do have to say that when I shared some info with his psychiatrist last summer, he was pissed (the doc). Why? My husband lies and manipulates docs / therapists, and the doc was in the dark about quite a few things, including my husband changing his own med dosages, quitting one med, etc. without telling his doctor! That doc confronted him. He looked at me and said, “It’s sounding like he’s blaming me.” (Meaning my husband was blaming the doc.) I nodded. My husband had the balls to tell his doc he didn’t reads his records well enough. Records from 3.5 years prior and I’m talking 400+ pages or more of psych notes. Not making an excuse, but shouldn’t my husband have elaborated the critical points during the course of 3.5 years. OMG. I encapsulated the key points in under 60 seconds. (And I’m not known for my brevity. LOL – as shown in my responses.)
Wow, I haven’t checked any blogs for weeks as I’ve been extremely busy working from home. I will add some thoughts later but I wanted to tell you that HIPAA lifted the requirement for encrypted formats during the emergency so FaceTime is ok. This is connected with the work I do so that’s how I knew. Here is a link.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.hhs.gov/about/news/2020/03/17/ocr-announces-notification-of-enforcement-discretion-for-telehealth-remote-communications-during-the-covid-19.html%3Famp
Thanks Maggie! Good to hear from you. After all the Zoom-bombing drama most of the docs have given in to FaceTime in the last few days, thankfully. I have one provider holding onto Google Meet and that’s been a glitchy nightmare too. I’m sure in 3-6 months these other platforms will be great, but they’re overwhelmed at the moment.
xo Take care!
After reading your rehab entries and the comments, there is really nothing I can add about your husband’s actions.You and many of your readers who comment really “get” sex addiction in a way that many do not. I guess when you live with it, you become a believer and an expert about things you probably never wanted to know in the first place.
I would like to focus on you, though. You said, “My boundaries have always been focused on keeping me sane, safe, and secure.” In typical addict fashion, your husband pushes the boundary until you end up reacting. Much of what you wrote brought back unpleasant memories for me. As I have said before, sex addict stories are all the same. The details, the circumstances and the players differ, but the dynamics are shockingly similar. I played this boundary game for about 3 years with many ups and downs, and more than a little pain on my part. It was getting to the point that each time he “pushed” a boundary, I felt like I had had it and wanted out. He would beg, cry, etc. etc. for another chance. It was exhausting.
I don’t have any answers or advice, but I will share with you what happened for me. One day last fall, mid-argument over something not related to sex addiction, I had an epiphany. The argument was not about sex addiction, but about me trying to get my husband to do something I wanted us to do as a couple, something that I thought would bring us closer together. You know, “working on the relationship.” He wasn’t out-and -out refusing to do it, but just acting unenthusiastic and dragging along. Looking back on it, I was taking it personally. He was grumbling and I was starting to attack. Mid-attack something hit me like a lightning bolt that actually felt like a shock. I stopped attacking and I said aloud, “Why am I doing this?” The plan had been for us to go get coffee after this activity, but I drove us past the coffee shop and headed straight home while he protested all the way. I refused to discuss any of it. From that day going forward (about six months ago) I have focused completely on myself. I stopped attending any sort of group, therapy whatever, and threw out any books I had on sex addiction. TBH, it felt absolutely wonderful to get my life back. I focused on my career, my health, my friends, interests, me, me, me. I no longer brought up any addiction issues. If my husband brought something up, I listened attentively and then said something neutral like, “Thanks for sharing that with me.” This had an interesting effect on my husband. At first he acted kind of lost, but then he got very serious about his recovery. He had attended 12 step all along, had a sponsor, was in group and individual therapy with a CSAT, etc. but now he began to truly embrace recovery. It would not be an exaggeration to say it’s become his life. Our relationship as a couple has changed dramatically. We have not had one blow-up fight since that epiphany day, and only a couple of minor arguments that we talked through and got a better understanding of each other. Just like you read about in those articles. It’s amazing, I’m re-gaining the respect for him I had lost. He knows now his recovery is totally up to him. Of course it always was. The idea that I or anyone but he had any control over that was truly delusional. The freedom for me me has been exhilarating. I accepted a new position at work, and absolutely love it, Before I was tied up in knots trying to decide whether to leaver or whether to try to make the relationship work, how to make it work, what my husband needed to be doing for recovery, blah, blah, blah. I know now, that if I have to leave, I will. I trust myself to do that. He knows his recovery is up to him. He also knows it’s not just about his marriage, it’s about his life.
Hi Maggie. I’m fascinated by your comment. As I explained to Joshua in reply to a comment of his, the first month Handsome was home after rehab was terrible, but the second month has seen a world of improvement. What changed? It likely doesn’t tie to just one thing, but there was a big moment in therapy. One of Handsome’s fall back therapy tropes is to complain that in asking for something (for him to do/ not do something) that I’m trying to control him. He was all wound up one day about something and I calmly explained that I wanted a partner, not someone to control, and that if he couldn’t get on board with being a full partner he’d learn firsthand how little I wanted to control him because I was fully prepared to leave. I queried who he would allege wanted to control him when he would be the only person left in the room.
Mind you, I’ve said similar things slightly different ways before, but this time seemed to hit home. Why? I don’t know. I only know that as I stopped asking anything about him and started focusing on me, he started opening up more. He started volunteering to help and to be involved in ways he previously had zero interest in. We are in week #4 of this new Handsome. We’ll see if he develops the same level of commitment that your husband did and whether he really starts to live his recovery on a consistent basis.
xo
I am really shocked that your husbands sex addict treatment centre was mixed.
My ex went to inpatient for alcohol addiction and there was also sex addiction offered there.
The men and women were kept apart and not SA clients were mixed.
I would have been absolutely opposed, as I volunteered in a rehab and drug and alcohol centres are rampant with sex. People are very vulnerable in treatment, and many will use any way to act out.
My ex met his ap at AA. All addiction meetings are also risky places and any communication with a member of th opposite sex should be considered suspicious. I also go to AA, so I thought He knew better. Clearly I was wrong. He was vulnerable and impulsive.
I hope you find solutions. Addicts are complicated people. Change is hard.
I agree about the vulnerability of people in treatment. Handsome didn’t go to Sierra Tucson for sex addiction treatment though (he’s got 2.5 years of sexual sobriety). He was there for their mood disorder program. Even so, it’s in his file that he’s a recovering sex addict so you would have thought they’d have not put him in a group with 7 women. No such luck. Lesson learned. He definitely had his hero complex fed in that group.
Xo