I would like to share a few pictures with you:
When we met this beautiful, bright young woman at the Kentucky Derby, she was absolutely delightful. She was kind and gracious and went out of her way to make our daughter’s day special. (My daughter told her that she looked like a magical princess and that she loved her crown.) I was dismayed to see last week’s news and the sad developments in her life.
What do I see when I look at these photos? I see a woman not entirely unlike my husband. For the record, Handsome did not act out with minors. Otherwise, I see this as a “there but for the grace of God” kind of thing. I see a physically beautiful human being who is apparently afflicted with some gaping hole in her soul. I see a wife (married just under 3 years, to a wealthy coal family scion) and mother who apparently couldn’t self-soothe or find sufficient peace or joy in her life and who made really, unbelievably bad decisions. She violated a position of trust. She acted out through her place of employment. It all caught up to her.
I am sure that it would be distasteful to my husband to be compared to her. It would probably piss him off. Handsome draws that bright line (minors vs non minors) in the sand. Yes, there is a legal bright line there for VERY good reason, but I’d suggest that bedding down with your “mentee” 32 years your junior is creepy and immoral too. So is being a cog in the sex trade/ human trafficking wheel, and sexting/ meeting up with anonymous folks online (who we hope and believe were over 18, but…?). So is engaging in some of your acting out during your work day, in your work uniform. Handsome would say that there are big differences. I don’t think so.
A year ago, I’m not sure that I would have felt much sympathy for this young woman. Now, I do. And I certainly empathize with her husband and kids. Every single day I am thankful that my family didn’t end up with news crews parked on our front lawn or my husband’s pictures all over the local news. Having them on Facebook was bad enough.
I hope that she gets whatever help she needs to address her issues. I hope that for her husband and kids as well. I also take this as a reminder that you never know what struggles someone has in their life just from looking at outward appearances. A few years ago, she seemed to be on top of the world. Now, it’s all gone.
Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.
André Malraux
If Handsome doesn’t see the glaring similarities then he’s still in denial. Mr. P compares himself with Jeffrey Dahmer, for crying out loud. Using prostitutes is sooooo much more elevated than what this woman did? Nah, son. In fact if you ever think that Handsome could benefit from talking to Mr P directly feel free to reach out through our site. Mr P would be happy to do it.
I agree completely – all the crap Handsome did is no better than sending boob shots to a student, for sure- but I’ll have to give Handsome an opportunity to tell me what he thinks. I’m surmising based on where I perceive he’s at, but maybe he’ll surprise me. My perception is that he still draws degrees between “offenses” and that while he admits his are inexcusable I think he still has some of that “well, at least it wasn’t as bad as _________” reasoning going on.
Stay tuned! You are a goddess though for offering up your hubby. I won’t hesitate to suggest it to Handsome depending on how this conversation goes.
❤️
My husband has definitely changed his perception of how he “compares” to other SAs. In the beginning, he would sometimes comment that at least he wasn’t as bad as some of those guys. Now he makes no comparisons. In fact, not too long ago he said something to the effect of we’re all the same when it comes to this disease.
I think that’s likely a pretty common progression. It seems to go from “I am not an addict” to “I may be an addict but I’m not like ________” to “I’m an addict, but …” and eventually “I’m an addict in the exact same boat as all the others.” My perception is that Handsome is in the “I’m an addict, but” phase. It’s light years from where he started, but I feel as though there is more growth needed (and hopefully coming).
Xo
A brilliant post, i love the quote, I’ve saved it! But more than anything I love how the things that have affected your life have enabled you to step back and understand and empathise with others without judgement, that is a gift. As they say where there is good there is bad, and where thereis bad there is good.
Stay strong I have the utmost respect dor you.
Moisy
Thanks Moisy! It is true that being betrayed forces growth in lots of new ways. Kind of like severely pruning a tree, maybe. You can grow or you can die. I’ve chosen to grow. ☺️ I hope to be a much better version of myself when I come out on the other side of this.
Xo
You sound like you already are.