Memories (or lack thereof)

I’ve been pretty silent here as of late. It’s been a bit of mayhem but not, thankfully, anything having to do with Handsome’s SA. Nope. Just regular life nuttiness.

Our daughter fractured her spine at a school event in May. It was a terrible injury, but she is wrapping up PT next month and is healed enough to go back to sports. We are very, very lucky.

Despite being fully vaxxed, my mom and I both had bouts of Covid. Mine was quite bad. Paxlovid helped, but I was utterly exhausted for close to half of the summer. (Brother-in-law’s new GF did not appear on my vacation, so that was good.)

Then we had bats in our house. INSIDE the house in the living space. My son and I ended up going through the full protocol of rabies shots. He needed them because a bat was in his room while he was asleep. I got them because I didn’t want him to go through it alone. (I admit that I’m feeling like a shoe-in for mom of the year for that one.)

And here we are with the holidays. Time flies. I turned 53 a few weeks ago. I have a very good memory. Handsome used to as well, but not any longer. He turns 60 in a few weeks and is vibrant and healthy.

The kids and I have noticed though that his memory seems to be failing. I’m not talking about misplacing keys or a wallet. Yesterday, he couldn’t remember that I had Covid. Or that we traveled to Washington DC once I was out of quarantine. Readers, those things happened in June.

He has had disassociative periods in the past and I wondered if that was going on, but I don’t think so. This seems… more alarming (scary? serious? real?). It’s so strange. He functions just fine 98% of the time, but then something comes up and he absolutely cannot remember it. Even when prompted he only occasionally manages any recall. More often he tries to laugh off the fact that he can’t remember. I’m not laughing. I’m terrified.

He has an appointment with a cognitive neurologist in early January. Getting that appointment was quite difficult and he made the appointment himself. He doesn’t remember that.

Could this be caused by any one or more of the numerous meds that he takes every day? Yes. Could it be related to his shift work and the related sleep disruptions? Absolutely. Those two things are both fixable, but I am gravely concerned that these are early warning signs for some form of dementia.

I know it’s “fortune telling” -and uncharitable- but I’m also angry. Fear may be the underlying emotion, but I am angry too. Why? I’m angry that so many of what should have been great years were affected by Handsome’s SA and other issues. And we may now lose out on the retirement I had held out in front of me like a carrot for the last few years. I’ve watched loved ones suffer from dementia. Life becomes very small, not to mention exhausting.

We’ve had such a good year together. This just feels unfair. 💔

19 thoughts on “Memories (or lack thereof)”

  1. I am very sorry to hear about your struggles, and I hope things get better❤️ You might not want to hear this, but have you taken into account the covid-vaccinations in themselves (I gather that he is also fullt vaccinated)? Because, opposite of what they said these shots don’t stop transmission, don’t stop you from getting covid or getting real sick or death, and most importantly they certainly have shown that they cause death and sickness in themselves, they seem to cause a lot of adverse effects (for ex look it up in VAERS) and seem to cause reacurrance of, and/or speeding up, of various issues one had laying dormant in the body. mRNA is a new technique, has no safe studies to rely on, and is certainly not a usual vaccine, so it is worth checking it up, preferably in alternative sources.

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    1. Thanks Ease. He is fully vaxed. The good thing is that the neurologist will have all of his prior medical records at hand, so everything will be up for consideration. I suspect it’s tied to the combo of meds that he’s on, but we’ll see. I hope it’s that simple.

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    1. Thanks CK. His appointment was postponed for another month, so I’m on pins and needles. We both want answers. I’m just not sure that he understands how bad it is (meaning how frequently this is an issue with him). 💔

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  3. Gosh. I’m so sorry. All of the issues you mentioned initially are bad enough in themselves … But worries related to your husband’s memory are truly concerning. Keep us posted. I will definitely be thinking of you.

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    1. Thanks DLH! Fingers crossed. He has no notable family history of any kind of early onset dementia, but he has also been working swing shifts his entire working life (which recent research says creates a higher risk for dementia). We can’t undo that so all I can do is hope that it might be related to his combination of medications. It just feels like a flimsy straw to grasp at.

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  4. I read this a few weeks ago and meant to comment – I am so sorry in my delay. Sometimes we reach out on our blogs and you have supported me many times. I am so sorry to hear of this turn in your circumstances, I hope that it works out okay. I understand your fear. Huge hugs to you and have a good and mellow Christmas

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    1. Thanks so much DLH. The short story is that (1) it’s not his meds and (2) we don’t know anything more yet. We do, however, have a half dozen appointments for various evaluations scheduled in the next 2-3 weeks. I should know a lot more after that.

      I appreciate you reaching out. It means a lot. ☀️

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  6. Just catching up on some reading. So sorry to hear about the memory issues. Good to know it’s not his meds. When I was reading this, I instantly thought about the four psych meds my hub is taking since his depression / attempt on his life. His psychiatrist is an over-prescriber; the local medical school doesn’t ask him to speak at conferences b/c he prescribes so much and says it has to be for life. (His doc said that.) I worry it’s too much.

    I hope you both get some answers.

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