The day after DDay – trickle truth

Less than 10 hours after disclosure, life had to go on.  Handsome got up and went to work.  I had kids to feed and a trip to pack for. (A trip… how on Earth was I going to be able to go on vacation with this man?) I feel like I was alternately shaking, crying, or just in a fog the entire day.

Handsome came home. We sent the kids off to their friends for a bit. I yelled and cried, and he just kept saying “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” like a broken record.

On this day I got my first dose of what is often referred to as “trickle truth.” I knew that I could not possibly have been told everything the night before. I started to ask question after question.  Some things Handsome could answer.  Other things, he could not or would not answer.  It was exhausting, and frustrating. I hadn’t read any affair related blogs or websites yet. I did not know that this was just the beginning. I did not know that facts and details would continue to drip, drip into my life, each one inflicting a new wound as it arrived.

My main take-away from the day though was what led to the disclosure in the first place. His affair partner (I’m going to call her “the Whore” here because, well, it’s my blog and I can…) is married.  With three kids. Her 12 year old son found her burner phone and told his father. That was on November 20th.  My DDay was December 9th.  Handsome knew for weeks that the cat was out of the bag, but he never willingly disclosed.  It was not until her husband accosted Handsome at his job on the 9th- after figuring out that he was her affair partner – and specifically told Handsome that he intended to call me, that Handsome realized that he had to tell me about the affair.

To hear Handsome tell the story, he says he didn’t disclose earlier because he didn’t want to ruin our big trip or the holidays but that he knew he’d need to tell me. Maybe, but I doubt it. I do not think a day after the holidays would have ever come where he would have just suddenly decided to confess. I owe the Whore’s husband (he’s going to be Fire Dude herein) a debt of gratitude. If it weren’t for him I’d still be living in a lie of a life. As painful and soul-shattering as the last several weeks have been, at least I know. I can take steps to protect my health, my finances, my children, and my future. I will not be caught off guard again.

I couldn’t sleep that night, or for many nights thereafter, and I had no idea whether I was actually going to be able to get on a plane with him the following day.  How could I even fly when I couldn’t stop crying and I felt like I couldn’t breathe?