During an hour this afternoon I was simultaneously juggling a Zoom meeting on my computer, a WebEx meeting on my cell phone, and helping my son with an existential crisis involving both a Lego build and the Hunger Games. Prior to that I ate lunch while drafting a document on a different call. I can multi-task like nobody’s business, but these multiple demands for the same scarce time are becoming more common.
On a frigid February day -the kind that make Summer seem impossible, like an apparition or distant memory – I volunteered to be in charge of volunteers for my son’s swim team this Summer. This evening, the mom coordinating the whole endeavor asked for my email address to include in an outreach email to the 80+ families with kids in the program. My response? “No, thank you.” I couldn’t even imagine my already bursting in-box surviving that madness. More specifically, I wasn’t sure I could survive it.
I’ve been actively practicing saying “no” more frequently. Work has given me some excellent opportunities recently to use the word. Did I want to organize a thankless office event in October? No, I do not. Would I like to take on a committee position that is of no interest? No. (I did, however, agree to continue on a different committee that actually brings me some joy.)
My home front has been fertile ground to try this out too. Could I keep track of Handsome’s appointments? No, but I bought him a calendar. Could I help him find a highly specific kind of summer hat? No, but I double checked that there was no issue with the internet browser on his phone or iPad.
I am stretched about as thin as can be. Some demands on my time are necessary or at least worthwhile. Others are neither of those things. They might make someone else’s life easier, but not without real cost to me. Could I play on the internet for an hour or so and find my husband a hat? Sure, but there is no reason at all he can’t do it himself. None. And frankly, I’d rather spend that hour doing something else.
I have used the word “no” so rarely that it is catching people off guard. Handsome assumed that I was angry with him. I wasn’t. My managing partner seemed to think that I was kidding when I declined to play party planner… even though my other partners already warned him how overwhelmed I am right now. Nope, not kidding. Swim team mom was totally put out that I didn’t want my in-box flooded with helicopter parent emails. Oh well.
Here’s the funny thing… Handsome has always been a rock-star at shooting down stuff he doesn’t want to do. My observation -as unscientific as it may be – is that men have an easier time saying no. So, I’m acting like a man till my load lightens.